I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
