I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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