the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
