he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
