HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
