wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
