Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
