definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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