How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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