white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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