Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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