if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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