You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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