I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
