the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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