your parents love me but you hate me
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
