Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
whose parrot is this?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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