i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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