Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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