I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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