dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
