he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
