Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize