Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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