1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
