Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My pussy is not your playground.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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