Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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