I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
