I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
