I understand why you refuse to be sober now
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
