Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
