omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
