lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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