Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
