No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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