i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
