Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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