Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
