Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
