dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
