God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
