i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
