apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
