he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
