Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
