I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
