Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
