if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
