Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
