Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
