help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
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