:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
