And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
