is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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