Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
