i just sent this text using only my big toe
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
