i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
