And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
