Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
