He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
