Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
