This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
