i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
