She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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