Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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