I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
