she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize