I can text with my tongue
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
