and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
