the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
